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| I can't wait for Jeff and I to have our own life and to have our default out-of-work time be time together at home!  I'm excited to have evenings to ourselves and to not have any interruptions that we don't want to - even things like my noisy housemates bursting through the door in the middle of an otherwise quiet dinner!
I also like having this new private element of our relationship that is developing (and will develop more so after being married) as we are beginning to establish our household. I like talking about things with Jeff that we used to not talk about because they didn't really involve him or we didn't have any reason to talk about it (even things like what dishes to get!) and knowing that this is all part of bringing our lives together. And because there are things that we choose to only share with each other, we really are establishing our dependence on each other as well as our independent household. 
It's so exciting to be able to share all these things with Jeff and only Jeff, and to get used to the practice of seeking each other's counsel and making decisions privately as a couple. This was especially hard to do at Gordon where a private conversation
had to happen either in a room with the door open to the rest of the
nosy world, or on walks in the woods (which tended to limit the amount
of private conversations in the winter). It gets tiring to have your relationship be constantly on display - to your friends, housemates, families... As much as I love them all, it makes things very difficult for Jeff and I when our need for privacy as a couple is not acknowledged or respected. However, it has been such a wonderful blessing when people have shown their support for our marriage by respecting our decisions and the fact that we will be keeping some elements of our relationship private! I'm very much looking forward to (and am beginning to enjoy) this new experience of choosing what to share and what to keep to ourselves. Just being allowed to have this new element of privacy makes me feel that this really is our relationship that we (with God's help!) are in control of.
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| *sigh...
It's hard to let things go.
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| Ugh!
I'm tired of having to defend what I want to do with my own things to other people!
I want to move out NOW!
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| hmm...
I don't entirely know what I want to write about today, but things seem especially tense and difficult right now. I'm not sure why that is, but I don't feel very in control of things right now and I feel like I'm being continually reminded of how little influence I actually have over my own life.
That's pretty discouraging, especially at a time when you're trying to plan your own wedding. It kinda makes me want to say "Screw it! Let's just resign ourselves to the fact that we are going to be fought tooth and nail on the stupidest things for so long that we'll never get married!" We have so little time to get things together that every single minor dispute that causes huge repercussions effectively says "not going to happen!" or "over my dead body!".
"I can't believe you wouldn't do this." "Why are you going to do that?" "You never asked me what I thought about that!"
STOP!!!
This is our wedding, not anyone else's, and until anyone else decides to pay for the wedding, nagging, unhelpful comments can be kept to yourselves. If you're that offended, don't come. I'll buy a crockpot for our household in your honor instead and we'll both be happier.
The only hope I have is that this sort of thing will stop after the wedding.... at least it had better...
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| I will be so excited to move out in September and get married!
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